Stocktaking: The Year that Was

I watched the starlings perch on a swaying stalk of long grass as the wind gushed about and thought, perhaps little birds need their share of adventure too. And when flying is one’s natural state of being, perhaps even the sky seems to be nothing more than an overworked old map. For don’t we all come from infinite source, seeking infinite experiences in finite things? And so the clock ticks, and the earth rolls, and another year comes to an end.

Things I’ve done for the first time in 2018:

Presented papers at two academic conferences. And it wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought that would be, although, let’s be honest, it’s a little disconcerting to be talking to a room full of people while pretending you know exactly what you’re talking about. I think I did okay.

Participated in a poetry-reading. I didn’t read it as well as I had hoped to (see point above regarding a room full of people staring at you), but considering I hadn’t thought of myself as a poet for some years before I accidentally got caught up in an online challenge to write 100 Poems in 2018, I think it was quite a nice experience.

I wrote an original song called ‘Dreamers’ to Jonny Easton (a super-talented composer on YouTube who lets you use his music for free so long as you credit him)’s piano composition and uploaded it on my channel. And then I uploaded two more original songs with my own music as well as lyrics. ‘Diamond Dust’ was written to fight off a bad mood while practicing some basic ukulele chords, whereas my recent upload, ‘The Road’ was actually written last year, when I had just started blogging again. I didn’t have my channel yet, didn’t know that I would have one, or that I would actually ever compose my own songs. But I ended up uploading my first cover last December, and this year, after a lot of dithering, I bought my ukulele. I don’t play her (I’ve named her Apollonia) well, but the point is, sometimes, you just need to take one step at a time, even if you can’t see the road ahead, and allow the universe to respond.

Last year, in the midst of a particularly dark phase, I took one little step. I started my blog. A friend liked one of my pieces and shared it, and a poet friend of hers saw and sent me a friend request. Cut to 2019, and my new friend, Riya was posting one amazing poem every week, tagging some page called The Airplane Poetry Movement. I read her poems every week and sighed, because I couldn’t write like her. Then she wrote a poem about invisibility, and it pushed me to the right amount of edge to make me sign up. A few random lines thrown together- once every week. What could go wrong, right? Except suddenly, it wasn’t a weekly challenge at all but #NationalPoetryWritingMonth meaning one poem a day. That one month, and the following weeks ended up changing my life this year. It changed the way I saw myself, and the way I saw my life. APM has made me take my writing more seriously than I did before, helped me find new friends, and given me a new appreciation of serendipity. And for that, I thank everyone who has helped me grow this year- Learnerdy for being online when I was too nervous to post my first poem and telling me to do it (and for listening to my uke woes and half-baked song drafts), ArtWhip  for being encouraging and introducing me to Riya, Riya for introducing me to APM- and the whole APM family- Shantanu, Nandini, Sunil, Shalini, Tuhin, Rishitha, Divya, Adrit, Priyamvada, Aishwarya and everybody else whose names I am missing, both for bolstering my confidence, and for inspiring me with your  amazing work. I think I have read more poetry this year than I have in my entire life. On that note, you can find my poetry on my Instagram and on my Facebook Page, where I have recently started posting book reviews, another first.

I’ve been making one chance decision after another for years. And that has brought me here, with patterns I had never seen when they started forming years ago shaping me into the person I have become, the person I am still becoming, and I am grateful to have come to this point. I know it will be a fulfilling, enriching journey on the way ahead.

Happy New Year.

P.S: One final reason to be thankful. An acquaintance from my old school whom I haven’t seen for about twenty years sent me a screenshot of a little short-story contest over Instagram. The deadline was quite close, and it was an exhausting time at work, so I was sure I wasn’t going to submit anything. But I did. The results aren’t officially out yet, and I suppose it isn’t that much of a big deal, but I’ve received the personal email, so I know I have won it. That’s one more thing I have done for the first time this year. Thank you, Archita for giving me the opportunity.

Images used:

1. College Play: Romeo & Juliet: A Musical by Sudipa Majumder

2. College Play: Romeo & Juliet: A Musical by Bedbani Bhattacharya

3. Neighbourhood Christmas Decorations by Anusha Chatterjee

4. Free Image by Enchanted Conversations